Ruminations on the “F” word

fbombWhen I was growing up the F word was the one forbidden word that no cussing heathen ever said in the presence of a lady. And a lady certainly never used such language.

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Today, F bombs are used as casually by the youthful masses as toothpaste. Their vocabularies have become so limited that it’s the most accessible word on the tips of their tongues. In casual day to day conversation it can be heard a myriad of times. Movies, music and other media have certainly contributed to this.

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Call me old-fashioned, but I still find it offensive. The only word I find more offensive is taking the Lord’s Name in vain.

I’m not better than someone who uses the F word or the Lord’s Name as a curse, but I do hope I never become so accustomed to such language that I don’t cringe the way I do now when I hear it. I stray from movies that use those words because they cause a visceral reaction in my gut. I. Do. Not. Like. Them. Call me an old fuddy-duddy but that’s where I am on the matter.

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It occurred to me that people who use the F word may not realize there are other options. So I’m writing this post to solve that problem. I propose that society replace the current F word with the following:

“What the floccinaucinihilipilification were you thinking?” (floccinaucinihilipilification: setting at little or no value ).

I mean, isn’t that a lot more impressive? It has 28 letters! And surely our counterparts would be dazzled. Their word has only 4  measly characters!

Untitled design-7Okay, so maybe the meaning isn’t all that great. How about this one then:

“Oh, fadoodle!” (fadoodle: nonsense). This one may not appeal to the younger masses because it sounds exactly like something an old granny like me would say. I like it. I’m going to adopt it.

Let’s consider these instead:

“Fiddle-faddle!” (An oldie but goodie; means trifling talk. It’s also some really great popcorn! My favorite is butter toffee. What’s yours?)

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“Fiddlededee!” (Scarlet O’Hara used this. If it’s good enough for her, it’s good enough for me. Means nonsense.)

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“Flapdoodle!” (Means gross flattery; nonsense.)

“Flexiloquent!” (Speaking ambiguously or using words of doubtful meaning. This one is rather appropriate, I think.)

“Futtock!” (This one sounds way too similar to the offensive word. Besides, it means the rib of a ship, and in context of swearing would be a little silly.)

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As for me, I’m sticking with floccinaucinihilipilification ?/fläks??nôs??n??hil??pil?fi?k?SH?n/. The next time one of my younger counterparts uses their F word, I’m going to use mine. By the time I get done saying it, they’ll nod off.

And my ears will be singed no more.

(For more impressive F words check out The Phrontistery.)

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Tweet this: What the floccinaucinihilipilification are you talking about?

 

 

“Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone” Colossians 4:6

4 replies
  1. Ann Ellison
    Ann Ellison says:

    I am with you – the F**** work is not acceptable and I really don’t like any type of swearing. If that is old fashioned then then I am. I don’t ever think about words that are used instead of swear words that I don’t think about my mom. I never heard a cuss word out of her mouth, but when she was really upset you would her say “Granny grunt.”

    Reply
    • Karla Akins
      Karla Akins says:

      Granny grunt! I’m going to use it!

      My husband has never said a foul word in 32 years of our marriage. I wish I could say the same. I admit I’m not perfect. I’ve stubbed my toe before. 🙁

      But I strive to be very careful and usually if I have a slip, it’s because I’m excessively exhausted. However, the F word is NOT my expletive of choice. Thank the Lord His mercy endures forever! But for the grace of God.

      Reply
  2. Debi
    Debi says:

    Hi Karla!
    I researched the F word a few years ago. What I found was most interesting. F.U.C.K. are actually initials that used to be on a written form that was nailed to a person’s front door as a certain license. “Fornication Under Commission of the King”. It gave the couple permission to have a child in England. -It was a pregnancy license!!-

    Reply

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