I’m ashamed to admit it, but my gift is not in nursing.
In fact, my husband says that if he ever gets a bad disease, he’s definitely not counting on me to help him through it. And he’s right not to. I’m a lousy nurse.
I have a suspicion as to why I lack the ability to nurse others. I won’t go into those here because to discuss them would require divulging secrets about other people, and I’m not into that.
And it’s not that I’m not empathetic. I am, perhaps too empathetic. I can’t stand to see people suffer. In fact, when those ASPCA commercials come on TV, I have to turn the channel or I’ll cry and be depressed the rest of the day. I simply can’t handle knowing an animal is suffering. I also have to redirect my thinking on world hunger and disease on a daily basis. It causes me great despair that I don’t have enough resources to cure all that causes pain and suffering in this world. Seriously. You have no idea how much that bothers me.
So, what is the main barrier to my being a good nurse?
When my kids got hurt growing up, if they were bleeding, I sent them to their father. It wasn’t the sight of blood that got to me. It was that I truly felt their pain. My stomach would drop to my knees.
Then there’s the squeamishness of having to touch or smell icky things.
And that’s where my lack of wanting to nurse Mama (my mother-in-law who lives with us) comes in.
It’s not that I don’t love her. It’s not that she’s not deserving. She is a delightful person and the most appreciative woman I’ve ever known, which makes me feel even worse about my lack of desire to be her nurse.
It’s this: handling her false teeth grosses me out.
It’s not that I don’t feel sympathy or compassion for her life of lost memories (she has Alzheimer’s and Dementia). It’s that bathroom accidents truly make me sick.
It’s not that I feel I’m too good to handle such things. It’s that I have a tactile defensiveness to anything squishy or dirty.
I thank God every day for gloves!
Mr. Himself is out of town for almost two weeks. The bulk of the care he’s always done (thank God) is falling to me now.
To overcome my horrid selfishness, I’m choosing to praise God as I brush her false teeth and change her into clean clothes. This is an opportunity for me to grow. I don’t like this squeamish side of me that runs from opportunities of service such as this.
If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35a
Do you have a weakness to overcome? Something that bugs you about your personality? If so, leave me a comment so I know I’m not alone!