In Which I Passed Through a Portal on the Day of the Blood Moon Whilst Buying Chicken

seriously

Yesterday was a troubling day.

Not only was it the day of the last of the blood moon tetrad, which was also supposed to usher in the end-of-the-world-financial-zombie-apocalypse (I’m not saying it still won’t), but I also passed through a portal that was most certainly at least ten more years away. I’m convinced this blood moon thing did something to speed up time. Read on to discover why.

vortex

It all started so innocently, as I’m told such things do. I was in the drive-thru buying some lunch for Isaiah and myself following the morning church service. Our house was full of guests (the evangelist and his fiance and a dog named Stella and the rest of our brood).  Since Isaiah and I were feeling poorly, we were on our way to a friend’s very quiet house to rest in quiet tranquility.  (Thanks, Christopher!)

Thinking a bit of chicken would perk us up, we waited in the looooooong  line that is our local southern fried chicken establishment. (It’s not that the lines are long, it’s just that this particular eatery always has extremely slow service).

Finally, I pull my car up to the window to pay for our order.

http://www.shapingyouth.org/fast-food-chains-are-slowly-getting-healthier-yum/

Source: http://www.shapingyouth.org/fast-food-chains-are-slowly-getting-healthier-yum/

It looked innocent enough. Little did I know it was a portal to that dreadful place all women are convinced they will never pass through.

But I was wrong. It happened. Just like that. Right there in my car, wearing my Sunday best.  A handsome teenager sucked me into the vortex with seven devastating words:

  1. Would
  2. You
  3. Like
  4. The
  5. Senior
  6. Citizen
  7. Discount?
saywaht

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I took the selfie pic (below) of me this morning in my car, still perplexed that I had been so abruptly pulled into the whirlwind of senior citizenry. I’m still convinced it was a case of mistaken identity. (So, I may or may not have edited the photo to blur out a few wrinkles…there aren’t that many…,right? Right?)

KarlaSept282015

Shouldn’t there be  some sort of warning before this happens? A summons delivered to your door by the sheriff? A text that asks you to enter a code for an option to delay said crossing over? A simple phone call?

Instead I’m now suffering from post-traumatic-they-think-I’m-antiquated-disorder.

Ahem. Just for the record? This is old:

Old-Car

Source: http://www.old-picture.com/american-legacy/005/Old-Car.htm

This is not.

KarlaAkinsPhoto

Thankyouverymuch.

Now, excuse me while I call a plastic surgeon. Aging gracefully isn’t in my DNA. This girl’s going into it kicking and screaming.

Would you be so kind as to tweet?

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Shouldn’t there be a warning before they suck you into the senior citizen vortex?

How KarlaAkins Passed Through a Portal on the Day of the Blood Moon Whilst Buying Chicken

 

Are you still here?

rapture

Congratulations!

I think.

I mean, if you’re reading this right now, it means you’re still here and the world hasn’t come to an end. Or, if the rapture has occurred, and you’re still here, then it’s not congratulations that’s in order, but some advice on how to make it through tribulation.

The safest place

Today is the first day of autumn. It’s also a day that many have predicted will either usher in disastrous change for the world, the tribulation, or the rapture.

Many believe the return of Messiah is imminent, including a prominent Jewish Rabbi who is urging all Jews to come home to Israel. He believes that at the end of the sabbatical year the Messiah will return. The end of that year was September 12, 2015. So far, I haven’t seen Messiah, but expecting Him to come any second is how we’re supposed to live. I have eagerly awaited His return since I was a small child.

rabbi-chaim-kanievsky

Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky; Souce: beforeitsnews.com

Sept. 22-23 is Yom Kippur., or Day of Atonement. It is also the beginning of the Year of Jubilees. Some find it ironic that the Pope is coming on the holiest holiday of the Jewish people because they won’t be able to participate in the arrival. They also find it a tad coincidental.

Others believe that today marks the beginning of tribulation based upon calculations of Daniel’s 70th week. 

Countless books have been written about September 2015. 

Even Isaac Newton wrote about Messianic predictions surrounding September 23, 2015.

CERN was also supposed to have a major colliding event today, but all references to it have been removed from their website. Now they claim that the machine has been powering up since June 15 and nothing unusual is happening today. They’ve even removed the CERN calendar that used to be available. Coincidence? Is there something to hide? (If you don’t know about CERN, you can learn about it and science’s search for the God Particle here and here.) If you want to get even more freaked out, just type “CERN September 23, 2015” into the google search engine. Go on. I dare you. Just set aside about a year to read it all.

cern

Now, if that’s not enough to freak you out, check out the SESAME project. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

sesame (n.)Look up sesame at Dictionary.comearly 15c., probably from Middle French sisame and directly from Latin sesamum (nominative sesama), from Greek sesamon (Doric sasamon) “seed or fruit of the sesame plant,” a very early borrowing via Phoenician from Late Babylonian *shawash-shammu (compare Assyrian shamash-shammu “sesame,” literally “oil-seed”). First as a magic password in 1785 translation of Galland’s “Mille et une nuits,” where it opens the door of the thieves’ den in “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves.” Phraseopen sesame current since about 1826. (Source: http://www.etymonline.com/).

Just asking here, but what portals, exactly, are they trying to open?

Pope Francis; public domain image

Pope Francis; public domain image

The Pope has a lot of engagements in the United States in the next few days including addressing the United States Congress. It is the first time in history that the Pope has ever done so. On Friday he’s addressing the United Nations. Interesting? I think so. There will also be an inter-faith service at the 9/11 museum on Friday. Hmm.

September 27 – October 5 is the Feast of Tabernacles. On the 28th is the 4th blood moon of the recent tetrad.  If you haven’t been studying the blood moons at all, this website will get you up to speed. I’m fascinated!

Some people have linked the budding of the fig tree to the birth of Israel. And 2015 marks 67 years since its birth. In Matthew 24:32, Jesus says this:

“Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh: So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors. Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.”

A very ripe fig

A very ripe fig

Muslim clerics are predicting the return of their Mahdi in September 2015. An old prophecy written by the Islamic prophet Ali Bin Iben Abi Talib says that just before the coming of the Mahdi, a tall black man will rise up to take command of the West and he will command the most powerful army on earth. Let’s see…tall…black…West…Obama?

Barak Obama, President of the United States

Barak Obama, President of the United States

DiscoveringIslam.org:

“The Messenger of Allah [sallallahu ‘alayhi wa-sallam] informed the Companions of everything that would occur until the Day of Resurrection,” the website reports.

“Based on our numerical analysis of the Quran and Hadith, the official beginning of the End of Time and the coming of the Imam Mahdi will most likely be in 2015 (or 2016) and Jesus Christ (p) will come down from Heaven to Earth in 2022, in-sha Allah (if Allah is willing).”  (Read more.)

Whatever is going to happen, as I said before, the best place to be is in the center of God’s will. Could this be the beginning of earth pains? Will the dollar collapse? Will there be a global currency? I don’t know. I only know how to prepare spiritually. I have limited resources to prepare physically.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee- be not dismayed; for I am thy God- I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.Isaiah 41-10

One thing’s for sure, we need to be awake, watching and prayerful. We must know the heartbeat of God so that we won’t be tricked. False Messiah’s will come. And God has called His Children to know the difference and share the Truth with others.

 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places”  Ephesians 6:12.

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What’s on your writing desk, Jodie Wolfe?

What's on your writing desk- (1)

Today I’m so pleased to introduce you to my friend and fellow-writer, Jodie Wolfe! Jodie is represented by the same literary agent as I am, Linda Glaz of Hartline Literary Agency.

Jodie Wolfe

Jodie Wolfe was bitten by the writing bug as a young girl after reading and watching Little House on the Prairie. Laura Ingalls Wilder’s influence also instilled a love of history, particularly the 19th Century. Jodie’s books provide history, hope, laughter & happily-ever-afters. You can find her here: Jodie’s Website.

Karla: Jodie, I’m so glad you’re with us today. Tell us a little bit about your writing space.

Jodie: I currently have a desk on one wall of my dining room. I know it’s not an ideal spot and I hope to soon change to a real office A.K.A. a former bedroom of one of my kids who has left the nest. 🙂 Actually both have left the nest, but the other bedroom is a craft room/guest bedroom.

JodieDesk

The computer started out here when my boys were young and we wanted to have it in a main area so we knew what our kids were doing online. My space has grown to overflowing bookcases, full file cabinets and papers strewn everywhere. The ‘No Whining’ sign was hung as a reminder for my kids… but I guess I need it too. Can you tell I need an office?

Karla: I love the sign over your computer. I need to get me one of those. How long do you write each day?

Jodie: I’m typically at my desk 4-6 hours a day, five days a week working on Christian historical romances, blogging, or working on increasing my platform. Chocolate is always close by as well as sunflower seeds. I heard the seeds are good for brain and memory, although I’m not too sure it’s working. On the off days you might find me on my tablet in between spending time with my husband or trying to do shudder housework.

Where in the world do you write-

Karla: What are you working on now?

Jodie: My newest project, A Place to Belong,  is set in Shippensburg, PA in 1877. Hannah Moore is unable to hold any job for more than a week due to numerous fiascos, but she’s determined to earn her way. When she takes a position as companion to an ailing woman, Hannah had no idea the lady is related to the snarky clerk at the local hardware store or she would’ve refused. Luke Weiser has no interest in marriage and is driven to ensure his grandmother’s needs are provided for while maintaining a distance from the feisty, new live-in caregiver disturbing his life. Will they continue to resist each other or find a place of belonging?

Karla:  Jodie, thanks so much for sharing your lovely writing space with us today. Where can we find you on the web?

Jodie: You can find me here:

Jodie’s Website

Facebook

Twitter

Twitter-Bird

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Do I smell like old books and glue?

OldBooks

I have a new hobby. It’s YouTube. Not in the way you think. I listen to lectures on it while I work or as I fall asleep. Anyway, I stumbled onto a video the other day (while watching a commercial for handbags when I wasn’t listening to a lecture) of a young man in New York City who sells high end handbags. He was explaining what types of people carry which handbag.

He described someone who carries a Chanel handbag as being “an old lady who smells like old books and glue.”

According to a so-called expert, women who carry the iconic Chanel Handbag smell like old books and glue.

According to a so-called expert, women who carry the iconic Chanel Handbag smell like old books and glue.

And I had to wonder–do I?

I love old books! And I do have a lot of glue because I’m a homeschool Mom and now a grandma and there’s nothing I enjoy more than doing crafts with the girls.

EEEEEK!

Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I’ve never carried a handbag worth more than $100. I’m not sure I’ve ever carried one worth more than $50 (if I have, it was given to me). I do invest in a good business roller bag for my computer because I take my laptop/office with me everywhere I go. When I got my financial aid last spring I sprung for this one:

But handbags? I have never understood the need to carry one that cost more than my car.

Check this out.

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, this handbag is the most expensive one on earth. It weighs in at $3.8 million dollars. Now, maybe I have a poverty mentality, but if I owned a handbag that expensive, I’d sell it immediately and buy a few schools in underprivileged areas or something. I can’t imagine carrying something so expensive, can you? Having said that, I imagine that anyone who actually owns something like this has fortunes in the billions of dollars, so maybe them carrying this purse on their budget is like me carrying one that’s a few hundred dollars. Maybe. I don’t know. Can’t wrap my mind around it.

But back to glue and old books. I know for a fact I don’t smell like that because a lady at church the other day told me I smelled like a “very distinguished woman wearing diamonds and pearls.” I’ll take that! (For the record, I’ve been wearing a very inexpensive body spray the past three or four years that people always compliment me on. If you want to know what it is, email me.)

What do you smell like? What handbag do you carry? (And yes, guys, this is relevant because the trend is for guys to carry them. Okay, maybe only in New York City or Paris. Not so sure you gun-toting, red-blooded, Mid-American types are into that. Yet. Wait a generation.)

pinkbird

Tweet this: Would you pay $3.8 M for a handbag?

My nostrils don’t match

seriously

You think you know yourself, and then one day, you record yourself singing at the piano and you’re like, WHAT? ONE OF MY NOSTRILS IS SMALLER THAN THE OTHER!

How does that happen?

eeeek

You know how they say that the most beautiful people are symmetrical? Obviously I’m not one of those.

symmetry1

Source: Wikipedia

Actually, people with perfectly symmetrical faces aren’t the beautiful ones. Nowadays you have to have the golden ratio of phi to be beautiful. Someone’s even patented a mask based on that. I think they’re going to try to sell it to plastic surgeons and cosmetic companies, but I’m not sure.

golennumber

Source: goldenratio.net

Okay, so I may not have a perfectly-proportioned face. I know I’m not a classic beauty. Never claimed to be. It’s hard living with average looks in a world of golden ratios.

face-new-golden-ratio-36-model-comparison

Source: goldenratio.net

I guess that’s just another reason why I’m excited about Jesus coming to get us! We get glorified bodies!

“He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control” Philippians 3:21.

But the thing is, even if we are trapped in imperfect bodies, they are temples of God. And that makes them priceless.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.” 1 Corinthians 6:19.

God indwells this nostrils-don’t-match old lady. It’s good enough for Him. It should be good enough for me, and irrelevant. Sometimes, we are just too shallow and it makes me sad. I’m so glad He is faithful to love us no matter what!

His graciousness is just one more reason I sing.

Hopefully you can look past my non-matching nostrils and enjoy this song my husband wrote. It’s recorded during a live church service. To God be the glory forever and ever amen!

Twitter_Bird_Coffee_by_Aaron_Riddleacriddledotcom

Tweet this: EEK! Did you know, @KarlaAkins, that your nostrils don’t match?

Do your nostrils match? Leave me a comment and let me know!

The Many Adventures of Mr. Himself: In Which He Gets Ready to Travel Overseas to the Philippines

Yesterday I introduced you to my husband, whom I lovingly refer to as Mr. Himself and explained that I’m dedicating a blog post category to him. After I wrote the post yesterday, I realized I failed to let you know the important work he’s up to besides hoarding toilet paper. 

My husband is a gifted guitarist, song writer and worship leader besides an extremely knowledgeable theologian. He is going to the Philippines in October to minister to some churches there and to teach and minister at a pastor’s leadership conference.

philip

 

If you’d like to contribute to his missions fund, feel free to visit his website. You will be blessed!twitter34

Tweet This: Besides hoarding toilet paper, he’s actually a gifted musician and preacher, too!

The Many Adventures of Mr. Himself: In Which This One Involves Toilet Paper

EddieAvatar

Mr. Himself (as an avatar)

With his permission, I’ve decided to dedicate a portion of my blog to Mr. Himself. He is such a funny person to live with that I can’t help writing about him. And since he doesn’t take himself seriously, he’s okay with being exposed in this way.

Mr. Himself lives at the mercy and whims of many others for various reasons. One of them is that he’s married to me. Being married to an author and scholar isn’t easy (I’m also a full-time college student at the moment). He has to do his own laundry these days, and has for a long time. I think he’s a tad bitter about that, but that’s another blog post.

eddie2

He takes care of his mother who has Alzheimer’s and lives with us, and helps me with the twins (age 20) with autism in addition to being a full-time pastor. So, as you can imagine, there are very few things he has control over.

And that’s why, I believe, he tries to control weird things.

Like toilet paper.

Bing Free Use Image

Bing Free Use Image

Currently, there are six adults living in this house. The twins have a caregiver who comes for a portion of the day, so technically we have 6.5 people in this house using toilet paper. We go through a lot of it. Like maybe a roll or two a day. I don’t know because I’m too busy to keep track. Apparently he has time to because it’s driving him bonkers.

So, a few days ago, he decided toilet paper was something he would control.

We were each assigned our own roll of toilet paper with our names on it.

And we were not to use any else’s roll.

He was going to find out who ran out first. And he was rationing it. It had to last us at least a week, or ideally, two weeks.

Right. Like that’s going to happen.

bingfreeuseimage

Bing Free Use Image

There’s this funny thing about humans. We don’t like to be dominated. We don’t like to be told what to do. And we are competitive.

So instead of using my own precious roll of toilet paper, I sneak a few Kleenex in with me, or I swipe some off one of the boys’s rolls. Bad. I know. I’ve sinned over toilet paper. TOILET. PAPER.

Bing Free Use Image

Bing Free Use Image

Me: Honey, I’ve decided to feature you now and then on my blog. I’m giving you your own category. And I’m going to write about this toilet paper experiment of yours.

Mr. Himself: Why?

Me: Because you’re hilarious. I mean, you wrote our names on toilet paper. Think about it. WHO DOES THAT?

Mr. Himself (laughs with great satisfaction): It is pretty funny, isn’t it?

The experiment is failing. No one is using their own roll of toilet paper anymore. And besides, he’s gone to Michigan for a week to play his guitar and sing for a revival. There’s no way anyone is going to use their own roll with him gone.

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Bing Free Use Image

Poor Mr. Himself. Once again, there’s something in his life he can’t control.

eddie

My very own man in black: Rev. Eddie Akins

What do you think? Is Mr. Himself normal or weird? Leave me a comment!

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Tweet this: Did you know that Karla Akins is sneaky about toilet paper?

Steampunk Hat Phase 2

In which my cat, Spook, looks like an alien cat come to abduct my hat

In which my cat, Spook, looks like an alien cat come to abduct my hat

It’s finished! I wish I had time to model it for you, but I’m way behind packing for the ACFW Conference, so I’ll have to take pictures at the genre dinner and post them for you then. In the meantime, here’s a very short video of Spook checking it out. Of course, anytime I start to video my pets they immediately decide not to cooperate.

The lighting was awful when my son took pics of the hat, so I had to enhance them a bit. They don’t at all capture its essence. Yes, it has an essence. I promise.

The bow is much prettier and doesn't look so oversized in person.

The bow is much prettier and doesn’t look so oversized in person.

 

steampunkhatphase2b

 

steampunkhatphase2a

If you can’t tell, that’s a bird’s nest on the top with an old key.

Here’s a video. Still doesn’t have the same pizzazz as in person, but you get the idea! Remember, my character is a steampunk biologist (naturalist, but it’s Christian steampunk so I say biologist; it’s complicated).

What do you think? Did I overdo it? Do you like your steampunk more streamlined? Let me know in the comments below!

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Tweet this: Check out this amazing steampunk hat!

Steampunk Hat Phase 1

Bing Free Use Image

Bing Free Use Image

I need a steampunk hat to go with my genre costume at the ACFW National Writer’s Conference in Dallas, Texas.

As I explain in the video below, I decided that making a steampunk hat would be less expensive than buying one ready-made from an Etsy store.

I was wrong.

The hat I really wanted was one like this (I adore ships):

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Click pic to shop!

But it was $65.00. So, I thought to myself, I can make one for less. I love all the hats in the ChikiBird shop, so I sort of used them as inspiration.

But guess what? I was so wrong about the price. Not only are feathers and other materials expensive, I don’t know what I’m doing! I probably should have just bought my hat. But since when do I do things the easy way?

Below is a video of phase 1: the materials. And below the video are some first pics. I’ll post the finished product and my entire costume later, so stay tuned!

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More pics to come! What do you think of it so far?

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Tweet this: Is it less expensive to make it yourself? Not always!

What’s on your writing desk, Elaine Stock?

What's on your writing desk- (1)

Today I’m excited to feature one of my dear writing pals, Elaine Stock. She is represented by the same literary agent I am, the lovely Linda Glaz. I’m so happy that my readers get to know Elaine. She has a very engaging blog. You’ll want to check it out.

NewDeskPic

Karla:  I love this picture of you and your cat! I write surrounded by my pets, too.

Elaine:  Although this photograph of myself is a tribute to my not long ago writing muse of the past nineteen and a half years, Wild Cat, who left me for a much better forever writing spot this past October, what you see is pretty much my writing place. Oh, I do have this great big antique oak desk that is presently in the corner of the kitchen. I think. Is that what’s under the printer, mounds of paper that can never, ever be thrown away, and writing how-to books?

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered

Karla: Oh yes. I have one of those mysterious wooden things you call desks, too. I’m sure it’s under there somewhere. Along with a pony, maybe? I’m very sorry about the loss of your cat. As an animal lover with five fur babies myself, and having had many over the years, I know how very precious they are to us.

Where do you like to write the most?

Where in the world do you write-

Elaine: With limited space, I’ve come to appreciate this corner of the sofa. It’s the closest to the wood stove in the winter, plus I look out four big windows and a backdoor for views of the countryside. Since the photo was taken I now have an additional pink marble side table. On good days I use the coffee table and side table as desk extensions—of course! To add a little more zest in my drive I’ll keep a mug of coffee—if early in the morning—or hot tea or plain old tap water. I’m not into snacking—really!—but may indulge in fruit or a granola bar if the blood sugar sags.

Karla: I don’t think I know the meaning of “not into snacking.” I wish I did! I envy that! Thanks for sharing your lovely writing space with us, Elaine. It sounds absolutely cozy and inspiring.

COhCMIXWgAAanYi

Karla writing from her snack fort.

Here’s a bit more about Elaine. I hope you’ll make every effort to connect with her, Dear Reader!

Elaine Stock never expected that a college major in psychology and sociology would walk her through the see-saw industries of food service and the weight-loss business; co-ownership with her husband in piano restoration and 10 years in community service. All great fodder for writing fiction.

Bridge

(c) Elaine Stock

In the spring of 2011 she placed in the Semi-finals category in the ACFW Genesis Contest for her novel WALK WITH ME. In 2013 she received the honor of My Book Therapy’s Frasier Bronze Medalist award for her novel NO GOING BACK. And in 2014 she was blessed with the news that her short story IN HIS OWN TIME won the People’s Choice Award in the FamilyFiction Contest, which was published in the printed anthology, THE STORY: 2014 Anthology. November 2014 saw her short story, THE FOREVER CHRISTMAS GIFT, released in CHRISTMAS TREASURES: A COLLECTION OF CHRISTMAS SHORT STORIES. In January 2015 she became a regular contributing author to Happy Sis Magazine (http://happysis.com) aimed at an international readership to “inspire women to know Christ and to grow in faith, integrity, confidence, success and happiness.”

Her own blog, Everyone’s Story (http://elainestock.com) has grown in its over 4-year existence, receiving an average of 8,000 viewer monthly visits. She weekly hosts authors, writers, and readers, which helps to further her reach and connection to many on an international level. Everyone’s Story’s theme is to uplift and encourage all through the power of story and hope.

Connect with Elaine here:

Twitter http://www.twitter.com/ElaineStock

Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/AuthorElaineStock

Goodreads  http://goodreads.com/ElaineStock

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