In Which I Passed Through a Portal on the Day of the Blood Moon Whilst Buying Chicken

Yesterday was a troubling day. Not only was it the day of the last of the blood moon tetrad, which was also supposed to usher in the end-of-the-world-financial-zombie-apocalypse (I’m not saying it still won’t), but I also passed through a portal that was most certainly at least ten more years away. I’m convinced this blood moon thing did something to speed up time. Read on to discover why. It all started so innocently, as I’m told such things do. I was in the drive-thru buying some lunch for Isaiah and myself following the morning church service. Our house was full of guests (the evangelist and his fiance and a dog named Stella and the rest of our brood).  Since Isaiah and I were feeling poorly, we were on our way to a friend’s very quiet house to rest in quiet tranquility.  (Thanks, Christopher!) Thinking a bit of chicken would perk us up, we waited in the looooooong  line that is our local southern fried chicken establishment. (It’s not that the lines are long, it’s just that this particular eatery always has extremely slow service). Finally, I pull my car up to the window to pay for our order. It looked innocent enough. Little did I know it was a portal to that dreadful place all women are convinced they will never pass through. But I was wrong. It happened. Just like that. Right there in my car, wearing my Sunday best.  A handsome teenager sucked me into the vortex with seven devastating words: Would You Like The Senior Citizen Discount? I took the selfie pic (below) of me this morning in my car, still perplexed that I had been so abruptly pulled into the whirlwind of senior citizenry. I’m still convinced it was a case of mistaken identity. (So, I may or may not have edited the photo to blur out a few wrinkles…there aren’t that many…,right? Right?) Shouldn’t there be  some sort of warning before this happens? A summons delivered to your door by the sheriff? A text that asks you to enter a code for an option to delay said crossing over? A simple phone call? Instead I’m now suffering from post-traumatic-they-think-I’m-antiquated-disorder. Ahem. Just for the record? This is old: This is not. Thankyouverymuch. Now, excuse me while I call a plastic surgeon. Aging gracefully isn’t in my DNA. This girl’s going into it kicking and screaming. Would you be so kind as to tweet? Shouldn’t there be a warning before they suck you into the senior citizen vortex? How KarlaAkins Passed Through a Portal on the Day of the Blood Moon Whilst Buying Chicken...

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Are you still here?

Congratulations! I think. I mean, if you’re reading this right now, it means you’re still here and the world hasn’t come to an end. Or, if the rapture has occurred, and you’re still here, then it’s not congratulations that’s in order, but some advice on how to make it through tribulation. Today is the first day of autumn. It’s also a day that many have predicted will either usher in disastrous change for the world, the tribulation, or the rapture. Many believe the return of Messiah is imminent, including a prominent Jewish Rabbi who is urging all Jews to come home to Israel. He believes that at the end of the sabbatical year the Messiah will return. The end of that year was September 12, 2015. So far, I haven’t seen Messiah, but expecting Him to come any second is how we’re supposed to live. I have eagerly awaited His return since I was a small child. Sept. 22-23 is Yom Kippur., or Day of Atonement. It is also the beginning of the Year of Jubilees. Some find it ironic that the Pope is coming on the holiest holiday of the Jewish people because they won’t be able to participate in the arrival. They also find it a tad coincidental. Others believe that today marks the beginning of tribulation based upon calculations of Daniel’s 70th week.  Countless books have been written about September 2015.  Even Isaac Newton wrote about Messianic predictions surrounding September 23, 2015. CERN was also supposed to have a major colliding event today, but all references to it have been removed from their website. Now they claim that the machine has been powering up since June 15 and nothing unusual is happening today. They’ve even removed the CERN calendar that used to be available. Coincidence? Is there something to hide? (If you don’t know about CERN, you can learn about it and science’s search for the God Particle here and here.) If you want to get even more freaked out, just type “CERN September 23, 2015” into the google search engine. Go on. I dare you. Just set aside about a year to read it all. Now, if that’s not enough to freak you out, check out the SESAME project. Go ahead. I’ll wait. sesame (n.)early 15c., probably from Middle French sisame and directly from Latin sesamum (nominative sesama), from Greek sesamon (Doric sasamon) “seed or fruit of the sesame plant,” a very early borrowing via Phoenician from Late Babylonian *shawash-shammu (compare Assyrian shamash-shammu “sesame,” literally “oil-seed”). First as a magic password in 1785 translation of Galland’s “Mille et une nuits,” where it opens the door of the thieves’ den in “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves.” Phraseopen...

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What’s on your writing desk, Jodie Wolfe?

Today I’m so pleased to introduce you to my friend and fellow-writer, Jodie Wolfe! Jodie is represented by the same literary agent as I am, Linda Glaz of Hartline Literary Agency. Jodie Wolfe was bitten by the writing bug as a young girl after reading and watching Little House on the Prairie. Laura Ingalls Wilder’s influence also instilled a love of history, particularly the 19th Century. Jodie’s books provide history, hope, laughter & happily-ever-afters. You can find her here: Jodie’s Website. Karla: Jodie, I’m so glad you’re with us today. Tell us a little bit about your writing space. Jodie: I currently have a desk on one wall of my dining room. I know it’s not an ideal spot and I hope to soon change to a real office A.K.A. a former bedroom of one of my kids who has left the nest. 🙂 Actually both have left the nest, but the other bedroom is a craft room/guest bedroom. The computer started out here when my boys were young and we wanted to have it in a main area so we knew what our kids were doing online. My space has grown to overflowing bookcases, full file cabinets and papers strewn everywhere. The ‘No Whining’ sign was hung as a reminder for my kids… but I guess I need it too. Can you tell I need an office? Karla: I love the sign over your computer. I need to get me one of those. How long do you write each day? Jodie: I’m typically at my desk 4-6 hours a day, five days a week working on Christian historical romances, blogging, or working on increasing my platform. Chocolate is always close by as well as sunflower seeds. I heard the seeds are good for brain and memory, although I’m not too sure it’s working. On the off days you might find me on my tablet in between spending time with my husband or trying to do shudder housework. Karla: What are you working on now? Jodie: My newest project, A Place to Belong,  is set in Shippensburg, PA in 1877. Hannah Moore is unable to hold any job for more than a week due to numerous fiascos, but she’s determined to earn her way. When she takes a position as companion to an ailing woman, Hannah had no idea the lady is related to the snarky clerk at the local hardware store or she would’ve refused. Luke Weiser has no interest in marriage and is driven to ensure his grandmother’s needs are provided for while maintaining a distance from the feisty, new live-in caregiver disturbing his life. Will they continue to resist each other or find a place of...

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Do I smell like old books and glue?

I have a new hobby. It’s YouTube. Not in the way you think. I listen to lectures on it while I work or as I fall asleep. Anyway, I stumbled onto a video the other day (while watching a commercial for handbags when I wasn’t listening to a lecture) of a young man in New York City who sells high end handbags. He was explaining what types of people carry which handbag. He described someone who carries a Chanel handbag as being “an old lady who smells like old books and glue.” And I had to wonder–do I? I love old books! And I do have a lot of glue because I’m a homeschool Mom and now a grandma and there’s nothing I enjoy more than doing crafts with the girls. EEEEEK! Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I’ve never carried a handbag worth more than $100. I’m not sure I’ve ever carried one worth more than $50 (if I have, it was given to me). I do invest in a good business roller bag for my computer because I take my laptop/office with me everywhere I go. When I got my financial aid last spring I sprung for this one: But handbags? I have never understood the need to carry one that cost more than my car. Check this out. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, this handbag is the most expensive one on earth. It weighs in at $3.8 million dollars. Now, maybe I have a poverty mentality, but if I owned a handbag that expensive, I’d sell it immediately and buy a few schools in underprivileged areas or something. I can’t imagine carrying something so expensive, can you? Having said that, I imagine that anyone who actually owns something like this has fortunes in the billions of dollars, so maybe them carrying this purse on their budget is like me carrying one that’s a few hundred dollars. Maybe. I don’t know. Can’t wrap my mind around it. But back to glue and old books. I know for a fact I don’t smell like that because a lady at church the other day told me I smelled like a “very distinguished woman wearing diamonds and pearls.” I’ll take that! (For the record, I’ve been wearing a very inexpensive body spray the past three or four years that people always compliment me on. If you want to know what it is, email me.) What do you smell like? What handbag do you carry? (And yes, guys, this is relevant because the trend is for guys to carry them. Okay, maybe only in New York City or Paris. Not so sure you gun-toting, red-blooded, Mid-American types are...

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My nostrils don’t match

You think you know yourself, and then one day, you record yourself singing at the piano and you’re like, WHAT? ONE OF MY NOSTRILS IS SMALLER THAN THE OTHER! How does that happen? You know how they say that the most beautiful people are symmetrical? Obviously I’m not one of those. Actually, people with perfectly symmetrical faces aren’t the beautiful ones. Nowadays you have to have the golden ratio of phi to be beautiful. Someone’s even patented a mask based on that. I think they’re going to try to sell it to plastic surgeons and cosmetic companies, but I’m not sure. Okay, so I may not have a perfectly-proportioned face. I know I’m not a classic beauty. Never claimed to be. It’s hard living with average looks in a world of golden ratios. I guess that’s just another reason why I’m excited about Jesus coming to get us! We get glorified bodies! “He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control” Philippians 3:21. But the thing is, even if we are trapped in imperfect bodies, they are temples of God. And that makes them priceless. “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.” 1 Corinthians 6:19. God indwells this nostrils-don’t-match old lady. It’s good enough for Him. It should be good enough for me, and irrelevant. Sometimes, we are just too shallow and it makes me sad. I’m so glad He is faithful to love us no matter what! His graciousness is just one more reason I sing. Hopefully you can look past my non-matching nostrils and enjoy this song my husband wrote. It’s recorded during a live church service. To God be the glory forever and ever amen! Tweet this: EEK! Did you know, @KarlaAkins, that your nostrils don’t match? Do your nostrils match? Leave me a comment and let me...

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